Proposed Thanksgiving Day Schedule

by YOUR CATS

Midnight-4 a.m.  Vocal Exercises, Yodeling Competition. HALLWAY OUTSIDE YOUR BEDROOM. (As usual.)

4 a.m.-6 a.m.  The Dance That Brings the Wet Food. FULL COMPANY. ON YOUR HEAD. (As usual.)

6:00-6:05  Obtainment of Wet Food*, Wild Purring. KITCHEN. (As usual.)

6:05-6:16  Supervision of Your Turkey Preparation. KITCHEN COUNTERS AND FLOOR.

6:16-11:30 Undisturbed Sleeping in Sunny Spots. ALL SUNNY SPOTS ARE RESERVED FOR THIS ACTIVITY. (As usual.) PLEASE INFORM YOUR GUESTS ABOUT THE DEFINITION OF UNDISTURBED.

11:30-11:47 Since it is a holiday, Possible Permission to Rub One or More of Our Bellies, provided that your hands are clean and dry and we are in the mood. TBD.

11:47-noon Grooming and Rearrangement of Fur. BALANCED PRECARIOUSLY ON THE BACK OF THE LIVING ROOM SOFA.

noon-noon:09 Snack of dry food.* (As usual.) KITCHEN.

noon:09-noon:30 Investigation of Contents of Oven. Contemplation of Abduction of Turkey Baster. KITCHEN.

Noon:30-2:00 Undisturbed Sleeping in Sunny Spots. ALL SUNNY SPOTS ARE RESERVED FOR THIS ACTIVITY. (As usual.) PLEASE SUPERVISE SMALL CHILDREN AND THOSE WATCHING TELEVISION SO THEIR ACTIVITIES DO NOT DISTURB US DURING THIS CRITICAL TIME.

2:00-4:00 The Give Us Turkey Prance & Dance by Mitzi (KITCHEN), Concurrent with Complimentary Food Tastings by Bud & Roger Wellington III (DINING ROOM TABLE).

4:00-5:00 Thanksgiving Dinner. DINING ROOM. Yes Please and Thank You.

5:00-5:15 Private Time. UNDISCLOSED.

5:15-5:45 Snacking, Lurking, Weaving Amongst Your Legs, Plotting Potential Abduction of Leftover Turkey (if it was up to our standards**) KITCHEN.

5:45-7:30 Providing Purring Immunotherapy to your most cat-allergic guests by sitting on their laps and/or shoulders, loving them, smooshing our sweet faces on their faces, patting their faces with our paws and tails. LIVING ROOM.

7:30-8:00 Yowling at the Dishwasher. KITCHEN.

8:00-midnight Sleeping. ON YOUR HEAD. (As usual.)

*Which we will only eat off the floor, but you must serve it to us in a bowl. And  please gently fluff the food with a fork. (As usual.)

**Although, let’s face it, we are regularly excited to get food from a can. Hint, hint.

MITZI, BUD AND RODGER WELLINGTON III

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About rbpepper

Rebecca is an artist, writer, and photographer with degrees in Theater and Social Work, and is currently a Stay at Home Mom to her three kids. Some part of her house is always a mess, she lets her kids paint on the table and design their own costumes, and she makes excellent allergen-free cookies. She lives with her equally creative husband and children in a part of Virginia known for being "pretty close to Dulles Airport", and dreams of moving to an old farmhouse in New England.
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2 Responses to Proposed Thanksgiving Day Schedule

  1. Alexis says:

    Where is the traditional Pulling Down of the Pants Whilst Waiting for Delivery of Wet Food, or it that reserved for the most VIP of guests?

    • rbpepper says:

      Interesting! I believe the Pulling Down of the Pants is a cherished tradition all guests may experience, provided they are wearing elastic waist pants. Which, this being Thanksgiving, should be all of the humans. It’s likely the cats left it off the schedule intentionally, so as to preserve the element of surprise. Nothing like carrying a brimming bowl of wet food while a small cat swings from your sweatpants, right?

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