Don’t be caught with a boring old tree this year! Try one of these extraordinary new tree decorating ideas and be the envy of everyone at the elegant party you’re going to host.
The Simply Elegant Orb of Festivity
Why spend hours slowly hanging decorations all over the tree until it looks like the victim of an invasive pine fungus? Forget the clutter, save time, and create an unforgettable focal point by using this one stunning ornament instead.
Chic and unforgettable.
Available in: Red, Red Glitter, Black.
$1999.95 at finer stores. Ratchet straps not included. Small children may mistake the orb for a meatball and attempt to eat it; do not allow them to so.
The Invasive Pine Fungus
Fascinating, beautiful and organic. A great learning experience for the whole family. Exotic and strangely hypnotic.
Economical. No hanging required, just blow spores onto the tree and watch the fungus unfurl.
A great conversation piece.
$39.99. Online only. Illegal in all 50 states and most territories. Careful burning of the tree, fungus, and all errant spores is required to prevent migration to and decimation of local pine population.
The Glass Menagetree
A stunning hybrid of art and a trip to the recycling center, this easy-to-craft tree is created in three simple steps.
- Create a giant plastic cone.
- Smear the cone with glue and roll it in glass shards. Try to use a variety of sizes and shades of shards for a pretty effect.
- Allow tree to dry thoroughly and place over a cool light source. Enjoy a magical and beautiful display.
Not safe for anyone. Pretty!
Free, although creator may incur cost of multiple trips to the E.R.; made entirely from found materials.
Stiletto the Stump
Don’t confine your Christmas Tree to an unsightly, clumpy, frumpy tree support. The truly elegant tree is comfortable–and actually prefers–to balance on a mere quarter inch of contact with the floor. This style of stump can be achieved by a master tree carver with just a few quick cuts with a chain saw.
Obviously, truly glamorous trees don’t rely on water or food to stay fresh.
Free if you know a guy with a chainsaw. Author not responsible for injury to tree, chainsaw, persons using chainsaw, things crushed by tree, etc. Tree provides plenty of room underneath for presents.
The Nostalgia Tree
The perfect tree from the perfect Christmas; either a complication of the best parts of your own Christmas memories, or highlights of all the best Christmas movies you’ve ever seen. Or a mixture of both, it doesn’t matter. The point is that it’s amazing and wonderful and beautiful in all the right ways.
This tree adds a comforting, hazy romantic glow to your living room, while simultaneously inspiring a deep melancholy nostalgia for the way it actually never, ever was.
May induce the best NEW Christmas memory ever, or a crippling depression. Children may be unable to open gifts as they will be too busy staring open-mouthed in wonder at your amazing tree.